Chapter 21:  The "Ex" Files

“So have you decided what you’re wearing to homecoming?” Alex asked Olivia on Tuesday as they were walking to her tumbling class.


“Nah…it’s not until next Friday so I figure I have this weekend to go dress shopping,” Olivia replied.


“I haven’t gotten a dress yet, either.  We can go shopping together!” Alex exclaimed.


Olivia gave her a tight-lipped smile.  “Ok.”


Alex giggled.  “I’m so excited!  I can’t wait to walk in with the hottest girl in school.”


Sighing, Olivia took a deep breath and decided to broach the subject she’d been dreading since last week.  “Um, Alex…that’s what I need to talk to you about.”


Alex stopped and gave her a confused look.  “What do you mean?”


Taking her hands, Olivia responded, “Alex, I don’t think we should go to homecoming together.”


Alex dropped Olivia’s hands.  “What?”


“Alex…I love you and I love being with you, but I’m not comfortable with the whole school knowing we’re a couple just yet.  That’s why we should both go with guys,” Olivia stated.


Alex couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  “But I don’t wanna go with a fucking guy, Liv!  I wanna go with you!” she yelled, tears welling up in her eyes.


“Alex…we can’t.  Have you ever even thought about the consequences if everyone knew about us?”


“I don’t care what everyone thinks.  All I care about is being with you,” Alex stated with conviction, her voice shaking.


Olivia hated what she was doing but stuck to her decision.  “Well maybe you should, Alex.  Did you ever stop to think what would happen to us if word got around?  What happens if your mom and dad find out?  They could make us break up!  They could ship you off to boarding school somewhere and I’d never see you again!  Don’t be naïve, Alex.”


“I’m not being naïve, Liv!  My parents can’t keep us apart!  And I’m sure if they knew how much I loved you, they’d understand.”


“Yeah, ok Alex,” Olivia snorted.


“Listen, Liv.  How about we both go alone?  We don’t have to go with guys,” Alex pleaded.


Olivia sighed.  “Alex…I already have a date.”


Alex’s mouth dropped open.  “You what?!  Who?”


Taking a deep breath, Olivia responded, “Andy Eckerson.  He asked me Thursday and I told him yes.”


Alex felt a tear drop down her cheek.  “Andy Eckerson?  As in your ex-boyfriend, Andy Eckerson?”


Looking down, Olivia replied, “Yes, Alex.”


“Liv, how could you?  You’ve known since last week and you didn’t tell me?”


“Alex, I didn’t know how to without upsetting you,” Olivia said, mentally kicking herself for making Alex cry.


“Oh, so I’m supposed to just let my girlfriend go to homecoming with her ex-boyfriend and not be upset?”


 “Alex…” Olivia started.


“Shouldn’t you have asked me first?” she asked, the tears freely streaming down her face.


“Alex, we both know you would’ve said no.”


“Um…duh!  Who wants their girlfriend going to a dance with her ex-boyfriend?” 


Olivia looked down.  Alex continued, “Why can’t you go with Elliot?”


“Elliot’s going with Kathy,” she responded matter-of-factly.


“Well then why can’t you tell Andy that you changed your mind?” Alex asked desperately.


“Because I already committed, Alex.  It’s not like I’m gonna make out with him.  Geez Al, it’s just a freaking dance for crying out loud.”


“But he’s your ex, Liv!” Alex yelled.


“Yes, Alex!  Keyword being ex.  I’m not interested in him anymore.  I thought you trusted me, Alex.”


“Yeah, I trust you, but I don’t trust him!  I’d just feel more comfortable if you went with some other guy.”


“Who?  Cassidy?” Olivia asked, smirking.


“No!  Someone you’ve never been with!”  Looking down, Alex asked quietly, “Did you…did you sleep with Andy?”


“Yeah, Alex, but what does that have to do with anything?  I slept with Brian and you don’t see me crawling back to him.”


Alex sighed.  “Olivia…I still don’t like the idea of you going with Andy.”


By this time, Olivia was beyond frustrated.  “Well, you know what, Alex?  It’s not fucking up to you.  I’ve already made my decision and if you don’t like it, then you don’t have to be with me.”


Alex was stung by Olivia’s words.  Crying harder, she asked in a small voice, “You don’t really mean that, do you Liv?”


“Listen, Al.  I wanna be with you but we have got to be more discreet.  Especially when we’re around a lot of people we know.  Besides, I’m not comfortable with coming out to everyone yet.  Why can’t you understand that?”


“I just don’t get it, Liv.  We’ve hugged and kissed and held hands in tons of public places before.  Even school.  So how is this dance any different?”


“We weren’t surrounded by hundreds of our classmates then,” Olivia reasoned.


Alex let out a deep breath.  “So there’s nothing I can say to change your mind?”


Olivia felt her anger rising again.  “No, Al!  Why is it always about you and what you want?  What about what I want?  Don’t I get any say in the course of this relationship?”


“You know that’s not true, Liv!” Alex shouted.


“Oh, really Alex?  Because all I’ve heard today is how you don’t give a shit about what would make me uncomfortable as long as you’re happy!”


“Stop it, Liv!  Just stop it!”


“You’d like that, wouldn’t you Alex?  Whatever the princess says goes, right?” Olivia taunted.


Alex cried even harder.  “Why are you being so fucking mean to me, Liv?”


“Because you’re being unreasonable and you’re acting like a spoiled brat!” Olivia retorted.


“And you’re acting like a bitch!” Alex said heatedly, turning to leave.


Olivia sighed, feeling horrible for the things she’d said to her.  Grabbing her arm, she turned Alex back toward her and said, “Baby, wait.”


Alex yanked her arm out of Olivia’s grasp.  “Oh, so now I’m baby?  Just a few seconds ago I was a spoiled brat.”


“Alex, I was angry.  I was just trying to get you to see where I was coming from.  You know I didn’t mean those things.  I’m sorry.  I hate seeing you cry.  You know that,” Olivia explained, searching Alex’s eyes for forgiveness.


“You hurt my feelings,” Alex said softly.


Olivia lifted her hand to wipe away stray tears from Alex’s face.  “And I’m sorry for that.  I guess I felt guilty for what I was going to do as well, so I lashed out.  Pookie, just because I’m going with Andy doesn’t mean I love you or want you any less,” she said, moving in closer to her.


Alex sighed.  “Fine, Liv.  Can we not talk about this anymore, please?”


Olivia nodded.  “Ok.”  She leaned in to kiss her and was hurt when Alex stepped back.


Seeing Olivia’s confused look, she said, “I need to go.  I’m gonna be late for tumbling.”  Picking up her stuff, she headed back inside towards the gym.


“Alex, wait!”  When Alex turned back around, Olivia asked, “I’m still picking you up, right?”


“Yeah, sure,” Alex called, giving Olivia a little wave and a tight smile before running off.


“Shit,” Olivia muttered, walking off towards her car.




When she got to Elliot’s house, she was surprised to find him outside on the porch reading.  “So when did you take up studying outside?”


Elliot laughed.  “Kathy’s been a big influence on me.”


“I can tell,” Olivia said, smiling as she took a seat next to Elliot on the swing.


“So what’s up?  I know you didn’t come here to admire my newfound study habits,” he joked.


Olivia took a deep breath and exhaled.  “The girl’s mad at me.”


Closing his book, Elliot asked, “What now?”


“I told her I was going to homecoming with Andy,” Olivia replied, looking down.


“Wait.  Why the hell are you going with him and not her?”


“That’s basically what she wanted to know.  Elliot, I’m not ready for everyone to know that I’m…I’m…” Olivia said, not wanting to say the word.


“Gay?” Elliot filled in for her.


“Yeah.  That,” she replied.


Elliot chuckled.  “It’s ok to say it, Liv.  It’s not a disease.”


“I know, El.  It’s just that it’s so hard coming out.  I’d give anything to be open with my relationship with Alex like you are with Kathy but I don’t wanna face the repercussions of doing that.”


“Well, face it, Liv.  You’re going to have to one day.  And how do you know what’s gonna happen?  You can’t speculate and live your entire life in fear of what other people are gonna think about you.”


“I know.  But it’s a lot easier said than done, El,” Olivia complained.


He sighed.  “So why Andy?”


“He asked me last week and I told him I’d go with him.  He’s just my ex.”


“Well honestly, if Kathy told me she was going with an ex-boyfriend instead of me I’d be pissed off, too.”


“But you and Kathy don’t have to worry about making a choice like that.  You’re both straight.”


“And, Liv?  Just because you’re straight doesn’t mean you have it easy.  There are straight couples all the time that run into probs.  How many times have you heard about girls whose parents won’t let them date certain guys just because their folks don’t have the necessary piggy bank?  Or because they aren’t the right color?”


Olivia sighed, knowing Elliot was right.  However, she still wasn’t ready to take that step yet.  “Elliot, I understand what you’re saying but what you and Alex both need to get is that I’m just not ready yet.”


Elliot nodded.  “Ok, Liv.  Just make sure your decision doesn’t put a rift in your relationship.”


“I sure hope not.  She loves me, so she should be understanding, right?”


“Yeah, but for how long?”


“I don’t know.  If or when that happens I’ll just deal with it when I deal with it.”


They sat in silence for a few minutes.  Finally, Olivia got up.  “Hey, I better get going.  I need to drop some stuff off at my house and take care of a few things before picking Al up from tumbling.”


“Bye, Liv.  Good luck,” Elliot said, watching her pensively.


“Thanks,” she muttered, walking off to her car.




That evening when Olivia dropped Alex off from tumbling, she was surprised and hurt that not only was Alex’s goodbye kiss quick and emotionless, but she also didn’t call her later on that night or answer when she called her.  They had made it a habit to talk every night before bed.  Olivia went down the hall to the computer room and got on IM.  She let out an exasperated groan when she saw Alex had an away message up.  “To sleep, perchance to dream,” it said.  “I bet she isn’t asleep,” Olivia muttered under her breath.


The next morning, she was even more shocked when Alex called to inform her that she would be catching a ride to school with Serena.  Alex’s excuse was that she wanted to spend some time with Serena since they rarely got to see each other now outside of school, but Olivia knew she was just using that to avoid her.  Storming up to her locker that morning, she glared at Alex and demanded answers.  “So what, you’re gonna give me the silent treatment now?”


Alex pulled books out of her locker and sighed.  “No, Liv.  I told you.  Since we started dating, Serena and I don’t get to hang out as much anymore.  I just wanted to spend some time with her.  That’s all, Liv.”


Olivia crossed her arms.  “Oh really?  What about last night?  You know we always talk on the phone and you didn’t even bother to call or pick up the damn phone when I called you.”


Alex looked down.  “Liv, I was really tired.  I went to bed early.”


“That’s bullshit Alex, and you know it!  This is all about me going with Andy isn’t it?  I’m going with a guy to homecoming, so I get the fucking silent treatment.  Right?”


“Liv…can we not discuss this right now?  I have to get to class.”


Olivia blocked her path.  “Class can wait.  I’m sick of you acting fucking immature when something doesn’t go your way, Alex.”


Alex glared at her.  “Oh, so I’m the one who’s acting immature?  Tell me, Liv.  How mature is it to go to homecoming with an ex because you’re afraid of being picked on if you go with the person you love?”


“Don’t fucking start with me, Alex.  You’re not gonna guilt trip me into changing my mind.”


Alex stared her down.  “Goodbye, Liv,” she finally said, walking around Olivia to get to class.  Olivia clenched her fist and looked down, shaking her head angrily.




By the end of the day, things hadn’t gotten any better.  Alex had only talked to her in second period because Mrs. Olivet put them in the same group.  When the bell rang, she’d grabbed her things and stalked off to the cafeteria without further acknowledging Olivia’s presence.  When Olivia walked into the locker room after practice, Alex was talking and laughing with a bunch of other cheerleaders.  Olivia was fuming.  Even the sound of Alex’s laugh, which normally made her heart skip a beat, was beginning to get on her last nerve.  Groaning loudly, she headed to the showers to try to drown out the sound of Alex’s voice as well as some of her own anger.  Alex just sighed and shook her head at Olivia’s reaction.  Better do some damage control, she thought to herself.


When she came out, Alex was alone doing her stretches and humming to herself, waiting to talk to Olivia.  “Will you stop that shit?” Olivia asked nastily.


Alex frowned.  “Liv, what the hell is your problem?”


Olivia walked over to her.  “My problem?  My problem is my girlfriend is being a total fucking bitch to me.”


Alex laughed.  “Girlfriend.  Funny.”


Olivia glared at her, the hurt evident in her eyes.  “Alex, if you wanna break up with me, just tell me.”


“I never said anything about breaking up.  You’re the only one who threatened to do that.  I just find it funny that you can acknowledge me as your girlfriend now but not next Friday.”


“Alex, you will still be my fucking girlfriend.  It’s just a dance, not a date.  Which reminds me.  Instead of going around making me feel like shit, you should spend your efforts finding a date.”


Alex glared back at her.  “Just so you know, I already have.  I’m going with Jake Matthews.”


Olivia threw up her hands.  “Jake Matthews?  Great, that’s just great, Al.  Choose the guy who’s been trying to get into your pants for the last year.”


Alex laughed, which irritated Olivia even more.  “Aw, I’m sorry.  Is Olivia jealous?” she taunted, pouting at her.


Olivia had had all she could take.  She pulled a book from her locker and threw it across the room.  Alex jumped in fear then stood up to try to get away from Olivia.  But Olivia marched right up to her face and blocked her path.  “Don’t fucking taunt me, Alex,” she growled menacingly.


Alex began shaking.  She tried to walk away but Olivia grabbed her arm.  “Ow, Liv!  Let me go.”


Olivia squeezed her arm tighter.  “Don’t you dare walk away from me.”


Alex winced in pain.  “Stop, Liv!  You’re hurting me!”


Olivia looked down and eased her grip a little.  Then she glared coldly into Alex’s eyes again.  “Liv, please.  Let me go.  You’re scaring me,” Alex begged.


Olivia finally released her grip.  Tears started streaming down Alex’s face.  Alex began shaking her head as she stared into Olivia’s eyes.  Silently, she mouthed, “Why?”


Olivia felt a bitter taste hit the back of her throat as she stared at a shaking Alex.  She looked down and saw the bright red imprints of her fingers on Alex’s pale skin and thought about how tiny and fragile her arm looked compared to her own.  Stricken with remorse, she pulled Alex to her in a hug and rubbed her back.  “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.  Please stop crying.  I didn’t mean to hurt you.”


Alex just sobbed more.  “Yes you did!”


“No, Alex!  I really didn’t.  You have to believe me!”


Alex shook her head and held her face in her hands as she continued crying.  “I’m sorry, baby.  I’m sorry,” Olivia repeated over and over again, stroking her hair.  She slowly eased Alex down onto the bench.  Sitting beside her, she placed several kisses on her cheek.  Alex tried to move away, but Olivia held onto her.  “No, baby.  Please don’t move away from me.  I’m not gonna hurt you.  I swear.”


“It’s too late for that,” Alex muttered.


Olivia felt her own tears start to fall.  “Sweetie, please.  I’m sorry.  I-I didn’t mean to.”  She reached for her arm but Alex jumped back.  “Alex, don’t be scared of me.  Please.”  Slowly, she edged closer to Alex, reaching out again.  She gingerly ran her fingers over the marks.  “Stay right here, sweetie.  I’m gonna go get some paper towels.”


Rushing to the sink, Olivia ran cold water over some paper towels and then brought them back to Alex.  She gently wrapped them around her arm.  After a minute or so, she took them off and cautiously placed her lips to the marks.  Alex sniffled and said, “I…I need to call our driver.”


Olivia shook her head.  “No, Alex.  Don’t leave.”


“I wanna go home.”


“Sweetie, I’ll take you home.  Just let me get dressed, ok?”


Alex shook her head.  “No, Liv.  I don’t want you to.”


“Please, baby.  Let me make it up to you.”  She undid her towel and let it fall on the floor.


“Olivia, no!  Stop!  Put your clothes on!”


“I love you, Alex.”


Alex backed away a little and scoffed, looking down at her arm.  “Yeah, great way of showing it.”


“Alex, I do love you!  You have to believe me.  C’mere,” she said, gently pulling Alex to her and kissing her lips.  Alex felt herself giving in despite her protests as Olivia deepened the kiss.  Olivia pulled back eventually and looked lovingly into her eyes.  “You’re so beautiful, baby.  I love you so much.”


Alex sighed.  “Liv…”


Olivia looked down at her chest.  “The pokies are mad at me for what I did.  Look at them, Al.  Can’t you tell they’re sad?”


Alex rolled her eyes.  “Liv, come on.  They look the same way they always do when you’re horny—hard.”


Olivia giggled and brought Alex’s fingers to her nipples, which hardened more at her touch.  “See?  They’re reaching out to you.  The pokies love Alex, too.  Very much.”


Alex shook her head.  “Liv, you’re so silly,” she said, withdrawing her hands.  Olivia pulled her close and began kissing her neck and moaning. 


Alex ran her hands over Olivia’s breasts, softly squeezing them.  She began moaning in spite of herself as Olivia moved down her body, placing kisses on her.  “Lie down sweetie.”  When Alex complied, she carefully slid her hands over her body, her touches feathery-light.  Spreading her legs apart, she lay gently between them.  After pulling down Alex’s shorts and underwear, she kissed her center.  Licking and sucking, she bathed her sex before inserting her tongue and gently making love to Alex’s very core.


“Does that feel good?”  Alex nodded.  “How about this?” Olivia asked, taking Alex’s hardened nub into her mouth and sucking.  Alex just whimpered in response.  Olivia then began navigating her inner walls again until she felt her muscles clench around her tongue.  Pulling herself up Alex’s body, she let her taste herself on her lips.  “I love you,” she said breathlessly.


“I love you too, Liv,” Alex replied, gently pushing Olivia off her and sitting up.  She folded her arms.  “But I’m still mad at you.”


Olivia pulled Alex close to her again.  “Nothing time and a little TLC can’t fix though, right?”  She ducked under Alex’s t-shirt. 




“I’m persuading your pokies to talk to you on my behalf,” Olivia said, her voice muffled.  She lifted up Alex’s bra and began playing with her nipples.


“Liv, come out!” 


Olivia reluctantly pulled down her bra and removed her head from under her shirt.  “Aw, Al.  You’re no fun!”


Alex smirked.  “I think you’ve already had your fun for the day.”  Olivia grinned wickedly.  Alex looked down at her nude form.  “Are you just gonna sit there naked all day?”


Olivia sat in Alex’s lap.  “No, I might just sit here naked all day.”


“Liv!  You’re heavy!”


Olivia pouted.  “Liv horny.  Liv wanna be close to Alex.”


Alex shook her head fervently.  “No, Liv.  No no no.  You can’t just kiss me and use your…your…”  She stopped to look down and point at Olivia’s breasts.  “…powers of persuasion to make me fall into your arms.”


Olivia chuckled.  “Oh really?  How about I use this one?”  She leaned down and kissed her.


Alex reluctantly pulled back and tried to quell the throbbing between her legs.  “Liv, stop.  You’re getting your…your stuff all over my thighs.”


Olivia grinned.  “Won’t be the first time, now will it?”


Alex gasped.  “Liv!”


“Alex…I love you.  I just want you to know how sorry I am.  If…if I can’t get it across to you by words, I thought I could show you by my actions.”


“Liv…sex isn’t the answer for everything.  If you wanna show me you’re sorry, the best way is to not do it again.”


Olivia nodded.  “I promise, Alex.”  She kissed her again and got off her to get dressed.  Likewise, Alex pulled back on her shorts and underwear.


“Ready to go home?”  Alex nodded.


When she pulled up to Alex’s house, she asked, “Am I picking you up tomorrow?”


Alex smiled.  “Yeah.”  Leaning over, she kissed her goodbye.  Olivia grinned and watched her walk into the house.